no longer pretending

Every kid tries it. Sometimes a kid even excels in this trick. It is the trick of pretending to be asleep. I remember telling my body to hold still, not to figet, and close my eyelids ever so lightly. The trick was always in the eyes. My four year old can lay perfectly still, pretending to be asleep but squeezes her eyelids shut so tight it looks as if she is squinting in the dark. The eyes always give away the truth.

The issue is that pretending sleep does not give your body rest it daily needs. It might fool others, but your body knows it is not shutting down into a dreamlike state. Just as our bodies require the deep rest only sleep can give, our souls need a deep rest only trusting in Christ can provide. I've had moments or seasons when I pretended my heart was still and in complete trust but in reality my heart was far from stillness. If anything, my heart was busy. Busy coming up with my own plans. Busy making lists of items needing crossed off. Busy thinking of the next week's schedule and how to make it all work. Busy worrying. Busy...busy....busy.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him;" Psalm 37:7a

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10a

Not stand still.

Not sit still.

Not stop still.

Be still.

To "be" something is to let it take over your everything. It is not a one time deed that starts, then stops. It is a state of continual being. Stillness is not just an act of the body, but of the heart and soul. To be still is to trust in faith in the Lord. To rest in Him. To wait on Him. To be with Him. To know the character of God.

Not do something good, and know that I am God. 

Not keep yourself busy, and know that I am God. 

Not act like you have it all together, and know that I am God.
Not try your own way first, and know that I am God.

Be still, and know that I am God. 

Why stillness?

Maybe because being still means we trust Him to act rather than forging our own ways and agendas. Maybe it is really not about us and the best way for us to realize that is when we are still and only have hope in the Lord acting on our behalf. When I am still and let God act in His timing, trusting Him to do something that only He can do, then He alone gets the glory. There is no chance of me stealing His glory.

In a world that says: be busy in order to be effective                                                    Be still.

                                  make your plans work no matter the cost.                                    Be still.

                                  keep up your social media status to prove your importance.       Be still.

                                           validate your worth by your success.                                           Be still.

 self-promotion is the only way to get ahead.                               Be still.

Proverbs 27:19 says, "As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person."

When does water best reflect an object? When it is stirred? Choppy? No, the best way for water to reflect something is when it is not moving. Only when water is calm and still will it give the best reflection.  I wonder if this is what the Solomon meant in the proverb. When we are still and trusting in God, our heart reflects our Lord and our trust in Him. 

Just like as a kid, trying to pretend I was asleep, my eyes always told the truth on my reality. There was no pretending the complete stillness that only comes with sleep. So too with our hearts.  There is no pretending trust in God. Our hearts will reflect the truth of our reality.

When our Lord is calling us to trust in Him, He asks us to "be still." When He's calling us into obedient action, He asks of us to "be strong and courageous."  (Deut 31:6; Josh 1:6, 9, 18; 2 Chron 22:13, 2 Chron 32:7). Stillness of our trust needs to coincide with strength and courage of obedience. Let us be known as a people of God who's hearts are not racing with worries and man-made plans. Let us be known as ones who wait on the Lord in complete trust, resting in stillness before the Lord. Let strength and courage flow from our lives as we put our trust in only God and Him moving on our behalf.

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Living beyond my fears

You know you have a good friend when they push you to live beyond your fears. At 16 I had yet to push fear aside when it came to roller coasters. Having visited Disney World and Six Flags numerous times, I never was able to conjure up enough bravery to put my life in the hands of a iron (or wooden) contraption. My cousin and friend Christy knew that I would never go on a roller coaster on my own bravery.

For her 17th birthday she invited a few close friends to join her for a trip to Six Flags. I had asked before we left what she wanted as a gift for her birthday and all I could get out of her was that when we got there, she would come up with an idea for a gift. We enter the gates of Six Flags and Christy turns to me, "I know what I want for my birthday present. All I want is for you to ride one roller coaster." Believe me I tried bribing her with any other gift the souvenir shops were selling that day. She picked the coaster Mr. Freeze. Now this coaster in particular was chosen because it was literally the shortest in time. I counted the seconds as we watched while winding through the line. Sixty three of the longest seconds. What she didn't mention is that the coaster shoots you out of the gate, going from zero to 70 mph in less than 5 seconds. As we inched our way closer to the coaster fear gripped me. I began to shake I was so nervous. Sitting down in the coaster car I remember telling myself, all I needed to do was count to 63 and this would all be over with. I could hold my breath for 63 seconds couldn't I? About that time the green light lit up and I closed my eyes, inhaled as much air as I could possibly hold for 63 seconds, and death gripped the handlebar just in case the seat bar did not work. Whoosh! Off we went and for the first 10 seconds I just checked to make sure I was still alive but the next 53 seconds were the most exhilarating of my young life. I opened my eyes, exhaled in a loud shriek, and lifted my hands in the air. We stepped off the platform and I turned to Christy, "LET'S DO IT AGAIN!" Of course I thanked her too.

Fear has a way of telling you that you are not missing out on anything by not trying. I was content to spend my whole life never trying a roller coaster, sitting on the bench waiting for everyone else to finish the ride. I had allowed fear to tell me I wasn't missing anything. Yet after experiencing a roller coaster, I realized that the exhilaration of the ride is exactly what I love.

One of my personality traits has the potential in every situation to be a great asset or my downfall: I am a perfectionist. The good part of this trait is if I'm doing a task, I am all in and will do my best to make sure every detail is perfect. The accounting realm became my wheelhouse as it is an industry that encouraged every detail to be in order. The downfall: if what I attempted does not seem perfect in completion, the whole attempt seems like a complete failure. I was the kid who would cry with a test score of 95 because it meant I missed 5 points.  If I wasn't first in whatever I competed in, it was failure. Before trying something new, if I wasn't for sure that I could be the best at it, then I wouldn't even attempt at trying. Fear of failure became the tool the evil one began to whisper and use to get to keep me from stepping out in faith.

God has been opening my eyes to the grip that fear has held on my life. Fear of failure is my strongest fear, but others also held too strong of a hold on my everyday life. After years of living with strongholds of fear, how does one no longer let it control you?

You know what pushed me to let go of my fear of dying on a roller coaster? Love. I knew that Christy loved me and wanted the best for me. She only wanted me to try a roller coaster because in the end, she knew I would grow from the experience. Perfect love drives out fear. (1 John 4:18) The more I understand and know the character of God, the less fear has a grip on me. The more I understand the unconditional love of the Father, the more I trust Him in faith rather than make excuses due to my fears.

In what area of your life are you letting fear hold you captive? Fear of disapproval of others, fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of opening up to others, fear of failure, fear of success: these all have one thing in common. They keep you from living in faith. My husband has shared these truths in a past sermon: Faith asks you to trust. Fear tells you to control. Faith moves forward in action. Fear paralyzes. Faith stands in humble confidence. Fear questions whether you are good enough. Where faith is bold, fear cowers.

The question I've been turning in my mind has been this: What would I be doing if I no longer lived in fear?

Here are some of my answers:
1. Write. Hence the blog was created. Here's where my fears are being faced. Writing and sending it out into Internet space is scary. People can be harsh critics. I didn't get my undergrad or Master's in composition or English (I was a business undergrad/MBA type gal). I'm just a stay-at-home mom trying to share my reflections on what God is teaching me through written word. I know I'm not the best writer/blogger. Yet God is using my writing to prune away my fears of failure and of what others think.

2. Allow myself to fail forward. "Failing forward" is a term that was written by one of my favorite leadership authors John Maxwell. In his writings he leads the reader to recognize that we all are going to fail at something. Only the successful leaders understand that you use your failures as stepping stones for success. In parenting: What if my girls never see me fail forward but instead see me living comfortable and safe? Do I want them to replicate safety and comfort in their faith? Or do I want them to live out their faith with boldness and confidence? Do I allow my children to fail forward in the safety of my home so that it strengthens their character?

3. Risky in my faith: Fear of failure has kept me on numerous occasions from stepping out....to share my faith, to defend my faith, to step out in faith. I have heard it said that Christians should be some of the most riskiest people as the Lord is continuing to call them out in faith into action. I on the other hand have allowed my fear of failure to keep me safe. Safe from failure, yes, but safe from exciting adventures, unknown territory, and a faith that can literally make mountains move.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, "...for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control."  The Greek word for fear in this verse is deilia which refers to one who retreats from battle, and has a strong tendency towards cowardice.

Let us not be known as one who flees from the battle out of fear. Let us go walking boldly in faith, knowing that because of God's perfect love, we can stand in power, love and self-control. Living a life of faith in Christ sometimes means exhaling that breath you've been holding, and letting go so you can raise your hands and enjoy the exhilarating ride. 

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